and this love came to me like the wind 

can't be seen but can feel it 

i don't know what it would been

if i'm not making that decision & choose otherwise

but after all, life is a wisdom & learning, p.s crying until your eyes were almost torn out

 you think that you are better at making decisions 

but actually, those decisions you make are the ones that teach you the real meaning of choosing with your own heart

taste your medicine after making that decision 

and then the bitterness slowly can be tasted even if it happened ten years ago ~

        you left him as a girl

        you repent as a woman 

and now i realize, i was the problem 

i realized the shoes that i thought i would never fit in, i threw them out & ran away from it

was the one that was Is it It's meant for me

but it's too late 

too late to ask for absolution 

too late to repent and ask for forgiveness 

too late to answer his question 

too late to say i love you but i have to let you go

too late to tell please live your life to the fullest & forget me, let me go just like the wind

too late to wipe his tears and say 

   " i wish you would come with me & let's walk through this life together, & live our life as if tomorrow will never come "

and this is maybe your lifetime misery

take it up and swallow it with pride

learn it, repent it, forget it, accept it, and let it go ~

and now here i am

writing a poem a page to page

write it on every place i can write

and let the wind touch it, fly it & let the ashes of my heart pour into the sea or maybe become a cloud of dust & fall without seeing it

i wrote about you ten years ago as a girl 

and then those poems become a crumpled paper & burn with those love letters & that " something something " that i wished i would give to you 

you were in my mind 

and still in my mind 

and today, 9 years pass after i let you go 

     ~ it would be 10 years two months later when december is coming ~

i'm writing a page again

after so long i forget about you 

this day, i write about you 

not as a person i hate the most

but as a person i love for the first time, and as a person that teaches me what is the meaning of Time

it's been 9 years since i let you go 

i will write a poem about closure 

to the door that i'd closed

to the bridge that i've burned 

to the chance that i never give it to you 

this is me, a lady that you have been falling in love in your twenties 

i'm sorry for that night i left you & pulled my hand before you even reached it

i'm sorry for that night i never gave you even one chance to show your true feelings & your sincerity towards me 

i'm sorry for that night i never asked you if you wished for this breakup 

i'm sorry for that night i never asked you what it would been if this separation were the only choice we have 

i'm sorry for that night i looked at you with a teary eye & saw you as the last time as your woman 

i'm sorry for that night in december 

even if it is too late 

i still write it here so the tears that you have shed all this time 

the heartache you felt in every breath

the loneliness that sealed you in every night 

the emptiness that wrapped you tight until you couldn't feel anything except numbness & dizziness 

the sadness that overwhelmed you & the sea of hopelessness drowned you without giving you a chance to help yourself 

the waiting, wait & wait that you wished for & those daydreams you have in your mind, wishing me showed up when you open the door & my sweet smile will gleam into your heart & you can't feel anything except infinity of happiness 

the love that you wished for from me until your leg stumbles & you kneel down because your heart cannot accept the fact you are the one that got away

here i am 

this is my poem to you

i'm still here, even the flowers wither away 

i'm still here, even though time has passed for a thousand years 

i'm not going anywhere 

still, i never went anywhere all this time 

it's just, that december is not for us

   Time is the one that separate us

it's not you, it's not me

     Time is the only answer to every question you have about me 

and here i am

writing the poem until the end of the page

and now i want to say to you,

every moment we've shared together 

was the best & the most precious moment in my life 

i'll take it as a gift

but i'll never ask you to come back 

let the time separate us again just like the december

and maybe after the time passes,

you no longer cry & you will let me go 

let's end this here

even if this is not the one that you wished for 

but, 

reality is the one that shows you this is the life we live for

and as for you, taste your own medicine 

swallow it with pride 

as how you have showed it to me all this time 

cry it if you wanna cry

but never ask for my absolution 

not even for a one-second chance 

    Let Me Go 

bye bye my love 

bye bye my friend

love only comes once in your life 

when it goes, it will never happen to you again 

please, 

      Forget Me

Thank you,

           Goodbye

sunshine december,

   Lea     🦢

                                Taylor Swift - Back To December